Sunday, March 2, 2014

Living Largo

Well, the universe has certainly been challenging me to walk my talk so far in 2014. In my first post of the year, I wrote about how we need pain to provide limits and boundaries (this one), and shortly thereafter came down sicker than I have ever been in my life. You "need your pain?" Okay, how about we set your lungs on fire and make every muscle in your body ache for weeks on end? Let's see what you can do with this. Like just about everyone, it seems, I came down with that nasty flu in late December, and after a good long battle with it, was starting to make my way back. Just as I was starting to think "is this little nagging cough ever going to stop?" it all came raging back with a mighty vengeance, and the second time around it was pneumonia.

There's a little part of me that can sort of enjoy the one or two common colds I might get during the course of an average year, because it provides a legitimate excuse to take a day off (really off), read, drink alcohol during the day (it's a hot toddy! it's medicine!), maybe do a little writing. But this was something else altogether, and I was so knocked out that it actually scared me. I couldn't concentrate, couldn't stay awake, and even after I received treatment and some strong drugs, it continued to disrupt my life for weeks.

But here I am. Now it's March, and the world kept pace in my absence. I basically lost the entire month of February, since once I started feeling better there was so much work and life to catch up with that I continued to wander in a post-pneumonia daze for weeks. While I was "gone," I missed being able to run, which is probably fairly obvious. But more than anything, I missed having the energy and clarity just to think coherent thoughts. I lost my creative steam, couldn't connect ideas, and was pretty humorless. Never have I been so keenly aware of the relationship between my physical life and my internal one. As a pretty high-strung and anxious person, when my energetic metronome goes haywire, it's usually going up-tempo. I'm an Allegro kind of a girl, and really struggled with learning to live Largo

Now back at almost full-strength, I'm delighting in the ability to run a few comfortable miles again, thankful to get through a full work day with energy to spare. For a healthy body that can spring back from major illness, and for access to good health care and a comfortable bed in which to recuperate. But more than anything, I appreciate having my old brain back. It's good to be back back among the living. And the running. And the thinking.

4 comments:

  1. Good to have you back! I think about your blog every time I pass by a runner and I insist to wave :)

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    1. Nice! Oh, that makes me smile, thanks. :)

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  2. Replies
    1. Thank you so much! Great to be back, even at less than full speed.

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